just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize