I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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