when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
