Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
