Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
