I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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