The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
