But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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