Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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