Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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