May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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