There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
