I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
