then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
