I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
