So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
