It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize