as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
