Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
