A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hippo gnu deer
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
