Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize