My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
