My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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