I hate all girls vehemently.
another moral hangover. fuck.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
