it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize