My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
