Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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