i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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