Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
