Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
