He kissed a someone with a penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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