I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
