I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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