Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
