I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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