i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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