ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
