I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
