So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
