New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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