if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
