i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
only if we run a train.
done.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
