Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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