I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
