my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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