ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
