so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
