I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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