That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
