so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
