It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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