I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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