If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
