take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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