Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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