how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
