end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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