think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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