Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
