we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
