So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
