College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
