You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
