ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
