I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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