I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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