I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
