Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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