i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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