what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
