There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
