we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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