i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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