maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
