there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
