You're completely useless in the revolution.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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