Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
