Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
