I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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