I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
