i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
