Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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