coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Are my feet made of real feet?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
