I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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