It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
