goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
