I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
