I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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