I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
